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Rate my poem please?

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1 Rate my poem please? on Tue Aug 27 2013, 11:58

Andrew

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I wrote this poem for my father whom I never even met, who died when I was seven months old. Please rate it and criticism maybe?

There are times in my life that I wish I was dead,
But I now realized, I'm just missing my dad.
There's a crowd by the stage, starting at my face.
And yet I'm turning to a whole new page.

Dad, I just wish that you had never left,
I wish you could help, with a page of my drafts.
I wish you could help tear down my wrath,
I wish you could help me choose the right path.

You could say I'm to blame that we never met,
But we both know that's not a part of the bet.
There's a place in my heart, burried by dirt,
You could say that's because I don't want it to hurt.

Mom told me your name, showed me a picture,
Picture of the place and the time of your rapture.
I wish I could have seen you with my own two eyes,
I wish you had told me just a bit of your lies.

I need you, dad, why'd you leave?
Tears fall down and it's kind of hard to breathe.
I need your help to polish my will,
I need your help to teach me how to win.

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2 Re: Rate my poem please? on Tue Aug 27 2013, 12:24

almost cried goddammit.


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3 Re: Rate my poem please? on Tue Aug 27 2013, 15:26

Terrible.
Absolutely-
*Gets punched in face, then shot*
This is a better way of saying it

Brilliant!
ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC!

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4 Re: Rate my poem please? on Tue Aug 27 2013, 17:17


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